“HOW?” Says Failing White Student After Cheating off of You

Racial equality is realizing Asian kids and white kids are equally dumb 

June 30, 2022

By: Josh Ri’Esgo 

So this kid Michael Foley got his AP Calculus test results back and was actually surprised to find that I didn’t study either. All the kids got their tests back Monday morning with the only dude stupid enough to cheat off of me scoring a 44%. I received a 49%. Still beat his ass though. 

Foley literally told me, “Yeah when I first saw his eyes I knew I had to sit next to him, I thought he had to be smart.” He sat himself strategically next to me in every class. He said “now I’ve just sat myself next to the Asian version of me.” That’s a stretch given Foley is 5’ 6” and 190 pounds and I’m 6’ 1” and 160 pounds. Also he’s ugly.  

The entire school seemed to have forgotten that my parents think I’m a disappointment. Like I know the teacher likes to sit the dumb kids next to me at least then they’ll learn an important lesson: Asian kids are also as dumb as the white ones. 

Despite the countless hours of rolling joints and listening to Mos Def I still cannot find the volume of a cylinder or any conical shape. To make matters worse, I don’t know what the word ‘conical’ means. I thought that buying so much weed made me good at fractions but it actually just made me more confused. I’m pretty sure I’m getting scammed too because I paid $30 for an eighth but I think that’s still less than a gram? My friends keep telling me to move the decimal? To the right or left? Please be specific. 

Even my mom tells all my friends that I’m not good at school, BUT she is supportive about everything else. She always says if there were a test to make lo-fi hip hop beats, I would pass! 

At the end of the day, when Foley walked out of class he shouted “not all Chinese people are good at school” which is good he learned the major lesson but also I’m Filipino. Baby steps!