Apple Releases New iPhone Specifically For Asian Grandparents That Only Allows Facetime Calls

Asian American grandchildren across the country have feared this day would come.

By Neel Bhakta

April 19, 2023

CUPERTINO, Calif. – Upon the request of thousands of aging grandparents, Apple has released a new iPhone that can only place outgoing Facetime calls, concerned sources reported.

“Our customer support team has been hit heavily with constant requests for this product, so here it is. I’m not really sure why anyone would want this, unless they gain some sort of sick satisfaction from only Facetiming others,” said lead project manager Gregory Lavigne. “We also added in a feature where when the person you’re video calling picks up, their phone’s volume will lock at 100%. So, hip hip hooray for that,” said Lavigne unenthusiastically.

Asian American grandchildren across the country have feared this day would come.

“This is some scary shit man. It’s like 1984 or Fahrenheit 451 or some other dystopian fiction nightmare I haven’t read yet,” exclaimed high school senior Diane Nguyen. “I thought it was bad enough that my parents exclusively text using Memoji stickers, but now this shit is a step too far. I could just be living life, without any worries, and then my phone will start blaring that default ass ringtone and my poorly angled face will be displayed in full detail on my screen,” said a horrified Nguyen.

At press time, Apple revealed another iPhone model which only allows your younger cousins to challenge you in 8 ball pool.