Opinion: Congrats on the Baby but Remember When I Got a Perfect SAT Score in 2008?

Anyone can have a baby, no one can go back and take the College Board certified 2400 score SAT 

April 6, 2022

By: Julia Zhen

Oh my god Denise! Congratulations on your baby girl! You’re going to be such a great mother, and her big eyes look just like yours. And it looks like she took after your husband, Richard, on the hair! Haha, because he’s bald, you know? Anyway, remember when I got that perfect SAT score in 2008? That’s like way crazier than your pregnancy and now newborn child. Because like you could still have a child a year from now, but like, no one can go back and take the official College Board certified SAT based on the 2400 scoring system with 800 points each in math, reading, and writing. Which I might also remind everyone that there was a timed essay writing portion that was scored out of 12, and yeah, I also got a 12 out of 12 on that shit in addition to my perfect 800s. 

So, I dunno Denise, I would really watch how you go around asking for compliments on your newborn. It’s really not all that special, and I think if Richard were to fuck some other asian lady and baby would probably still come out looking like that because most babies all just look like loose bags of flesh, okay? You could never do what I did.