BREAKING: Olive Garden Releases Italian Boba Where You Suck Meatballs Through Rigatoni

We’re all family here, even the Asians!

April 5, 2022

By: Grant Yang

Olive Garden CEO Dan Kiernan announced in a press conference early this morning that in an effort to expand the restaurant’s reach into the Asian community, the chain will release a new menu item, “Italian Boba.” The dish consists of a tall glass filled to the brim with marinara sauce, with tiny meatballs sitting at the bottom and an uncooked rigatoni straw. For an extra $1.50, you can mix-and-match toppings including toasted ravioli, shrimp scampi, croutons, parmesan, and unlimited breadsticks. “We hope that our ethnic customers will feel more at home as they slurp up a Tour of Italy™ through our home-bought Rigatoni,” Kiernan concluded in his speech, “because at Olive Garden, we’re all family here, even the Asians!”

Every single Italian and Asian person at the press conference let out an audible gag.