‘Tis the Season: This Chinese-Jewish Family Is Having a Way Better December 25th Dinner Than You

Have you had peking duck on a latke? Have you?

By: Julia Zhen

December 23, 2021

While the Rosen-Chen’s don’t care much for Christmas, since Hanukkah has passed and Chinese New Year is yet to come, the family still enjoys the time off. They celebrate this by eating way better food than any average white American family. 

“They eat ham? Just a big ham? Oh, or turkey? And ‘casserole’? That just sounds like Thanksgiving dinner food which isn’t that good either. Green bean casserole is made with canned green beans, cream of mushroom soup, and fried onion crisps on top. That is just so… like why? Why,” rambles matriarch Amelia Rosen.

Oldest child, Grace Rosen-Chen, has experienced the meal first hand. 

“One year I went to my friend’s house for Christmas dinner,” recalls 17 year-old Grace Rosen-Chen, “and they tried to get me to eat turkey? I screamed and said ‘damn you white heathens!’ and ran out the door. I’ve never been so terrified in my life.” 

But outsider, Brian Willows, classic white American, was brought into the Rosen-Chen’s family dinner as Grace’s boyfriend. His perspective on the ‘traditional’ meals holds different value for him. 

“To me, food is not meant to be flowery or extravagant. It’s meant to nourish and satiate, and that’s why my family does not care much for actual flavor. We eat things like biscuits, yorkshire pudding, which is just English biscuits rendered in fat, and you know what? Green bean casserole is good, especially with the canned cream of mushroom soup! My mother hoards those cans all year in hopes of either using it in our emergency disaster bunker OR for Christmas dinner!” exclaims Willows as he defends his family’s meal choices. 

While it’s clear that Brian has lived a deprived and sad life with his lackluster food and infantile taste buds, the Rosen-Chen family is having a grand ole time watching him struggle to put down some Mapo tofu. Pathetic.