BREAKING: Fortune 500 Company ENDS Asian Hate in the Workplace By Only Hiring Whites

Nothing feels more safe than a workforce that has never feared for their own safety.

June 14, 2022

By: Grant Yang

As part of the anti-Asian hate initiative taken by several major corporations over the previous years, Fortune 500 company Microzon announced in a press release that they will permanently end racism in the workplace by only hiring whites in the future. 

CEO Jeff Gates has been lauded for developing a safe and equitable workplace environment. “Ever since I announced our new ‘non-affirmative action’ directive, some people have called me a genius,” Gates reported, “when in reality I’m just very smart. I thought about what would make the workplace feel more supportive and inclusive, and that would be to eliminate the possibility of anti-Asian hate crimes altogether. Nothing feels more safe than a workforce that has never feared for their own safety.”

To further the anti-Asian hate cause, Microzon has also begun letting go of former Asian employees out of concern for the racism they may have to encounter in the future. “God forbid one of our employees feels uncomfortable at work due to the fact that they could hate crime an Asian colleague,” Gates explained, “Better to eliminate the middle man and remove the Asian from the equation entirely.”

Former Microzon employees have expressed their support for the cause after being terminated. “I had been the senior software architect at Microzon for over 25 years,” reported newly unemployed Andy Yang, “but if firing me means that the white interns will feel more safe walking past my old office, then it’s a sacrifice that I’m willing to make, and every Asian should be willing to make in the name of stopping Asian hate.”

Anti-Asian hate in the workplace has since precipitously dropped to a record low of only 1 microagression per white capita per day.