REPORT: 100% Of Dads Blink in Family Photos

“Wait, can you take another? This is my first time smiling with my family.”

November 9, 2021

By: John Hedrick

A recent study revealed that absolutely all fathers have their eyes closed in family photos regardless of environment or time of day.

We spoke with lead researcher, Dr. Cam Raphone, about her study and what her lab discovered. “At first, I was trying to take a photo with my parents at the Taj Mahal but my father could not, for the life of him, keep his eyes open,” said Dr. Raphone. “Once I returned home, I checked if this phenomenon had been explored. Turns out, the only reputable writing I could find on it was in the depths of Twitter. My team and I immediately went to work on our research.”

One of Dr. Raphone’s research assistants explained their methodology.

“We brought in a random sample of 500 fathers and asked them to take a photo with a cardboard cut out of a family,” explained Sy Cology. “What we began to notice is that every single one of our participants would blink in the photos we took whether the flash was on or off, whether we counted down from 3 or 10, or even when we yelled ‘look! It’s a Home Depot sale!’yelled ‘look! It’s a Home Depot sale!’. Every father blinked every time regardless of which variable we changed. Strangely enough, every participant asked to take another photo promising to keep their eyes open. None were successful at redemption until the 3rd or 4th attempt.”

Although these early results prove to be helpful to understanding the enigma of fathers over 40, some call the research unethical.

“Here at the Father’s Association of Thinking And Seeing Sight, we believe in ethical research but this is simply scientists trying to play God,” commented F.A.T.A.S.S. leader James Danielson. “Science has gone too far and some of the universe’s secrets should STAY secrets. Also this lab didn’t let me participate again after I spent the Amazon gift card they gave me for compensation.”

We tried to get a photo with Danielson but his eyes were open in none of the photos.