‘Everyone Agrees Grandmas Are Better at Raising Grandchildren,’ Says Only Asian Grandmas 

‘25 year-olds with degrees in early childhood education don’t know anything’

November 10, 2021

By: Elle Kobler

COLUMBIA, M.D. – After providing COVID-induced childcare services for the past two years, the nation’s grandmas have filed a class action lawsuit suing their daughters and daughters-in-law for sending all their grandchildren back to school this Fall.

“Why should my grandson be forced back to school? Every day he comes here to play while I throw away all the overly processed food his mother buys for him so I can remake it from scratch. Who’s going to take care of him now? Some 25 year-old stranger with a degree in early childhood education?!  Pft!” screamed Xueyuan Xu, one of the plaintiffs, as she pulverized raw ginger with a pestle at the kitchen table. 

The lawsuit demands grandmas receive reinstitution of full-time childcare privileges, and all future childcare payments be made directly to them instead of the highly competitive private Montessori schools chosen for their grandchildren’s education.

“My clients just want the best for their family,” said Johnny Fillerston, the lawyer who filed the case.  “In their day, a woman worked by staying home and taking care of each and every imagined need for future male heirs for free.  It’s time these women be fairly rewarded for all the additional work they do that absolutely no one asked for.”

One of the defendants, Mimi Sung, returned home after a double shift as a cardiologist to find her favorite Ben & Jerry’s ice cream had been replaced by a freezer full of homemade dumplings.  As she navigated the dish rack of washed-out Ziploc sandwich bags for a wine glass, her unemployed husband, Michael Sung, catcalled from the couch where he had been eating from a plate of freshly cut pears.

“Hey babe,” Michael yodeled.  “My mom took the little guy home for the weekend so we could have some alone time.  Feel like trying for Baby #2?”

At the time of this writing, police are still searching for Mimi Sung, who is believed to have left the house screaming emptily into the night.