JUST IN: Suburban Small White Crusty Dog Speaks Out

“I still can’t bear the sound of an overenthusiastic knee pat”

April 5, 2021

By: Andal Paul

GREAT FALLS, VA – Neighbors craned their pearl-studded necks and twisted their gun-toting waists to get a glimpse of the Johnson family’s arrest early Monday morning. Numerous complaints had been filed against all four members of the family for gross negligence involving a minor spanning over a sixth month time period. The complainant and victim? Their dog, Pepper. 

“I thought I was home,” the Terrier said in an interview with The Lunar Times (TLT), “But God had curated a personal hell.”

Pepper reluctantly agreed to share pieces of her six-month tour at the Johnson residence if it meant no other dog had to suffer in silence.

“It began right when I was brought home. Mrs. Johnson only fed me treats…it was too rich, too indulgent. I begged for a regular meal and they all guffawed.”

When asked for a statement Mrs. Johnson rattled against the bars, her straight jacket bouncing, “MY HUSBAND. THEY TOOK DAVE! Where’s Dave? How could you, HOW COULD YOU?!?!? I’m wh-”

Pepper continued to detail her torment. 

“The kids, Jamie and Jessica, they took…so many photos. I was often blinded by the flash of their iPhone 11s. It did not matter to them.” She shivered, her fur recently cut at “The Groomers” and gratefully took a blanket from our support team. “They’d ask me for caption advice too. And if I didn’t like AND comment within the first five minutes of posting…they’d tell Mr. Johnson I bit them.”

Pepper broke down. 

“The worst part of all of this was the way they spoke to me. I was supposed to enjoy the torment. I was a ‘good doggo’ if I played the game. To this day, I still can’t bear the sound of an overenthusiastic knee pat.”

The floodgates of this case are pouring open. Pepper is one of many small white crusty dogs. This is a much, much larger problem than anyone really understands. We need the Spotlight team in here.