Five Exercises to Look Like a Hot Instagram Girl and They All Require Genetics
‘Generational wealth and those humping exercises help too’
November 11, 2021
By: Julia Zhen
Ever seen a hot girl on Instagram? I haven’t, until today. It occurred to me, though, that I could look like them. I just need to work hard, eat well, and change my entire genetic makeup. Easy!
1) Bridges – Lay flat on your back, bend your knees so that they are facing the ceiling and your feet are shoulder width apart. As you slowly push your abdomen to the sky and bring it back down in the slowest air humping motion you could ever do, you’ll come to realize that your body’s natural metabolism is actually just inherited from your entire mom’s side of the family! Keep that core tight girl!
2) Squats – As you lower your body as though you were about to sit in a chair, push back up with control. Be sure to engage your back, core, and your dad’s terrible knees! Keep that chest up pal!
3) Tricep curls – Be sure to keep your elbows close to your head, you should be able to see them in your peripherals. Don’t push yourself too hard here and accidentally use too much weight, after all, you’re bound to inherit your grandma’s flappy arms in about 30 years anyway! Breathe through it kiddo!
4) Monster walk – Get that resistance band around your thighs and get in that low squat and start walking. Be sure to keep your chest up and relax your shoulders – don’t need to summon the hunchback your grandfather has earlier than you need to! Keep pushin’ buddy!
5) Burpees – Everyone’s favorite. Don’t rush these and go at your own pace. Keep your neutral spine going in for that push-up, and don’t be afraid to jump high! Be sure to watch out for internalizations of all the unfair equivalences that you are making to your body and that girl on Instagram. You’ve got a strong body that works hard to keep you living to your fullest potential. That girl on Instagram has generational wealth and a really nice blender and air fryer set that you could maybe get one day if you end up paying off your student loans. Onwards and upwards bitch!
