Fraternity Apologizes in Advance for Racist Halloween Costumes

‘A lot of people are going to get mad at my costume, so I’m ready to write ‘This is not who I am’’

October 26, 2021

College Halloween parties are back this year, and so are the inevitable slew of intentionally racist themed costume parties, followed up by insincere apologies from students who grew up with the internet but somehow can’t calculate the repercussions of posting something online.

One fraternity, Delta Variant Epsilon, is trying to stay ahead of the curve. They’ll be shedding the pastel shorts and graphic tees for some overtly racist costumes that they totally didn’t think would hurt anyone. Chapter president Ayden McAiden released a statement:

“We are deeply saddened and embarrassed by our upcoming Plantation Pub Crawl, which we are definitely going to have anyways. The costumes that we are going to wear are completely inappropriate, and we apologize to everyone we are going to offend with our avoidable actions. Our only intention is for everyone to have a good time while constantly quoting our favorite Tarantino Movie, Django Unchained. We’d also like to apologize in advance for next year’s Anne Frank x R. Kelly collab party called: Trapped In The Attic party.”

Newest pledge member Bradyn McBraedynn is looking forward to the upcoming festivities, but not to the predictable fallout. So, he is preparing in advance. “I’m sure a lot of people are going to get mad at my costume, so I’m ready to write ‘This is not who I am.’ Then I’m going to post a picture of me with a Black friend, gay friend, and a mixed friend, just to make sure I cover my bases.”

Elsewhere, Jayden McJadyn stated in his Tik Tok “I’m sorry for my insensitive ‘Simu Flu’ costume that I’m wearing at the ‘China Flu Fiesta’. It is my sincere hope that you pussies forget about this when I’m working at the District Attorney’s office in a few years.” He later added “I don’t have a racist bone in my body…but I’d like to put one in your body.” He then gave himself a fist bump.