National Guard Sets up Kid Rock Concert Booby Trap on Pennsylvania Avenue

“It’s Bobby Shazam bitch!”

January 17, 2021

WASHINGTON, D.C.- The landscape of the nation’s capital has changed drastically since the Pro-Trump insurrection on January 6th. With threats of another attack on Biden’s inauguration day, the National Guard has taken extreme measures to capture any previous or future insurrectionists. This can range from pyramid schemes to prank calls but perhaps the most notable is the fake Kid Rock concert they set up on Pennsylvania Avenue.

“Our intention is to attract anyone who is a threat to the state and arrest them,” stated Lieutenant Williams. We asked what would happen if there were just regular people who wanted to see a Kid Rock concert and not the Far Right Militia. He responded with “Statistically, that is not possible.”

The National Guard is working with the FBI to set up a website for the concert and apparently they have sold over 500 tickets. A description of the concert is as follows, “Gun toting American PATRIOTS! Are you sick of Biden and ANTIFA stealing your votes AND your rights? Are you ready to storm the Capitol again? Are you ready to take back this country to the sweet sweet tunes of Bobby Shazam?! Well buy your tickets here, and let’s take back this country. OUR country! See you patriots on January 20th on Pennsylvania Avenue. Guns suggested but not required, please leave masks and snowflake thoughts at home.”

Will this booby trap be effective? We’ll have to wait and see, but the 500 tickets already sold is promising. Some of the National Guard’s other booby traps include ammunition refill stations and NRA donation kiosks. Keep an eye out for these and stay safe out there.