Rice Ruined by Not Rinsing One More Time

‘You could put Cheez Whiz and beanie weenies on sushi, and it would still be high-quality as long as you prioritize the rice.’

October 5, 2021

By: Ken Taro Ward

BELLEVUE, Wash – Tommy Tomita invited his girlfriend Deirdre Chan to his house for the first time for a home cooked meal when disaster struck after he ruined the rice, sources confirmed. 

“I was making sushi for the main course, but I completely botched it,” admitted Tomita. “A lot of people think that sushi is about the fish, but it’s actually about the rice. You could put Cheez Whiz and beanie weenies on sushi, and it would still be high-quality as long as you prioritize the rice. Chefs in Japan literally spend years perfecting their rice making skills before they even get to look at nori. But I got cocky because I watched ‘Jiro Dreams of Sushi’ a couple times and made a rookie mistake. I only rinsed the rice four times instead of five. Then, Deirdre showed up a little early, so I had no time to make things right.” 

Chan didn’t see anything was wrong at first after she entered his home. 

“I walked into his apartment and noticed the beautiful spread,” complimented Chan. “But Tommy was acting nervously so I knew something weird was going on. He was sweating and trembling. I was really scared because I thought he was going to propose even though we had only been going out for a couple of months. But as soon as I took the first bite of sushi, I figured out why he was behaving that way. He completely wrecked the rice. Somehow it was chalky and watery at the same time. I was about to break up with him after the fiasco, but then he brought out some edamame. I decided to give him another chance.” 

Tommy’s mother Cheyenne expressed how disappointed she was after she found out what happened. 

“I’ve told him countless times how important it is to rinse the rice thoroughly,” sighed Cheyenne. “But he never listens. He probably even used a measuring cup. What’s next? Is he going to use a fork to eat ramen? I feel so sorry Deirdre.” 

At press time, Tommy was watching YouTube videos about how to make perfect rice.