Exhausted Waitress Really Hoping Family Would Stop Arguing About Who’s Paying

‘The entire table became a battle royale for the bill’

October 6, 2021

DENVER 一 A fatigued waitress working past closing time was yet again face-to-face with a family that would not hurry up and stop fighting over who is paying for the meal, sources confirmed.

“We were like 30 minutes away from closing time and I was relieved that I was almost free. And then this family strolled in, without a care in the world and asked for a table for 10,” said an annoyed Eliza Parker. “I was about to turn them away but my fucking manager greeted them and insisted they take their time. By the time they finished eating it was past closing time and I really just wanted to go home. I gave the check to who I assumed was the father figure but another guy at the table snatched the check out of my hands. The entire table became a battle royale for the bill and I just walked out at that point. I don’t get paid enough for this shit,” said Parker.

Members of the family eventually calmed down and expressed their reasoning behind their actions.

“I honestly don’t know how the situation got so out of hand. After the first person demanded to pay for the meal, my survival instincts kicked in and everything past that point is all a blur,” said Sean Ito. “I suppose it’s sort of a respect thing. But also, we all know I make the most money here. You’re telling me that my younger brother, who’s a part-time actor, could handle that bill? Nah, forget it. Especially considering my aunt ordered not one, but two overpriced margaritas. I feel like she could’ve tried a little bit harder to cover the bill. I know I’m the one who ripped her Mastercard into tiny pieces, but show a little effort. In the end, I know I’m the only one on that table who could pay the bill and still have tons of money left in their bank accounts, because I’m much better than them,” said Ito.

Local pests even began to show concern after their food scraps were delayed by such a long wait.

“Listen, I got a village of rats down here starving and I can’t let them go out because this fucking family is posturing. Somebody pay up and leave so I can send some boys to scavenge,” said local rat pack leader Randall. “When they finally packed up and skedaddled, they didn’t leave us a crumb. This wasn’t a problem when we first moved here, but now Todd’s Mexican Kitchen has gone down the drain in quality. I tell you, I know a guy in Paris and he tells me shit like this does not fly over there,” said the angered rodent.

At press time, the family was last seen ditching the restaurant without leaving a tip.