Thin Walls? Blast These 6 YouTube Videos to Fool Your Roommates While Masturbating

“I’ll be out in 5, I’m watching 7 high school kids decide who gets 1000 dollars!”

January 24, 2021

By: Andal Paul

We don’t need to pretend here. You’re horny, and you love Jenny but she uses the entire living room table to WFH. Amanda meal-preps her tofu incorrectly so the entire apartment smells like a wet rag. And Maya is just too loud, too early in the morning. You deserve a break. A real one. But your apartment walls are just too thin to give you that much needed privacy. Turn on these Youtube videos to create the perfect illusion of mid-day internet boredom.

1. Top 10 Best and Most Shocking America’s Got Talent Singers

Who doesn’t love to see the shocked look on Simon Cowels rat-like face when Grace Vanderwaal performs her own stunning set atop the famous AGT stage? Her melodic voice will overpower any noise generated from flicking the bean.

2. 73 Questions with Reese Witherspoon

We love an unproblematic white woman. As she floats around her house, showcasing her emerald green kitchen cabinets and unused platinum-encrusted record player, you can whack your salami in peace.

3. 7/11 Mukbang

Something about Trisha Paytas eating gas station food in her pink Rolls Royce feels just innocuous enough. When Paytas chomps down on her 70 cent taquito, you’re busy choking the chicken. All is well.

4. Hot Ones with Gordon Ramsey

There’s something oddly erotic about the way they choke on the habenero sauce and guzzle down their full fat milk, gearing up to eat the final, spiciest alpha wing. Watch Gordon Ramsey yell for “more fucking milk!” as you yourself milk the cow. Metaphorically, of course.

5. WWII Crash Course with John Green

Who doesn’t need a refresher on the Battle of Normandy? John Green perfectly synthesizes years of conflict into a neat 20 minute cinematic experience. Watch the allied and axis powers duke it out while you diddle your fiddle.

6. Porn

Here’s the catch: it’s a category you don’t typically watch. Your roommates know you – you would never.