White Guy With Chinese Calligraphy Tattoo Calls Woman With Butterfly Tattoo a Basic Bitch

‘I scolded her for not getting in touch with her roots’

September 14, 2021

SEATTLE – Disgruntled online dating veteran Bryce Parker has had enough with women getting generic tattoos, even though he sports one as well, sources confirmed.

“I saw this smokin’ hot Asian chick on OkCupid, so I knew I had to hit that,” sneered Parker. “That is, until I saw a stupid butterfly tattoo on her wrist. Could you be more of a basic bitch? I slid in her DMs and told her I would have totally smashed that except for the fact that her ink was trash. I showed her my bicep tattoo that said ‘Ultimate Alpha Beast’ in Chinese and informed her that it was an actual tattoo. And I know mine is authentic because I got a Chinese dude to do it for me. I scolded her for not getting in touch with her roots and covering herself in lotus flowers or some shit. I’m just tired of all these e-thots with no taste.”

Nathan Vo, Parker’s original tattoo artist, had a difficult time remembering Parker because of how many white guys ask for similar tattoos

“It finally dawned on me who that was because he also had a barbed wire tattoo from the 90s and Polynesian tribal art on his chest,” laughed Vo. “The funny thing is, I’m actually Vietnamese. I tried to tell him that I am not Chinese, but he told me that we are all practically the same after the Vietnam War. So, I said fuck it. I had a takeout menu from a Chinese restaurant lying next to me and just copied the writing on it. I have no idea what the writing means.”

Mindy Chan, the woman insulted by Parker, fiercely defended her body modification choice.

“I used to catch butterflies with my younger sister who passed away when we were kids, so it means a lot to me,” lamented Ko. “Not that it matters. Even if I had just picked it out of the tattoo book at the parlor, he has no room to talk. He’s a white dude with Chinese calligraphy on his arm. I’m cracking up because his tattoo actually means Cucumber and Wood Ear Mushroom Salad.”

Parker was later spotted at another tattoo parlor getting hieroglyphs on his neck.