Microsoft Office Replaces Spell Check With Clippy Asking Where You’re From

Where are you FROM from?

May 24, 2021

REDMOND, WA — Microsoft has announced an update to its MS Office program in a gesture for greater inclusion to celebrate AAPI Heritage Month. Users without anglicized names are often met with red squiggly spell check errors, but the new update will instead greet those names with Microsoft’s iconic, friendly paperclip assistant Clippy, who will ask “where are you REALLY from?”

“We want to make users feel welcome, and the red squiggles have long been a painful reminder to our Asian customers that their name isn’t normal. After telling Clippy where you’re from, he’ll also throw in a few of his own fun opinions on the country you stated. Imagine telling Clippy you’re Thai, then receiving recommendations to his favorite local Thai restaurants. They [Asians] love that,” explains Microsoft spokesperson and white man Jeremy Kluger.

Although Kluger stared back blankly after a follow-up question on his use of “they,” he quickly launched into details of the update.

“Clippy will also offer users the ability to change their name to a font that pays tribute to the typography of their stated country. Regardless of the users’ choice, Clippy automatically adds flair by their name stating ‘This is a traditional X name.’ Everyone who reads your work can focus on it and not actively wonder exactly where you’re from!” Kluger proudly explained.

Open beta testers such as Riya Sengupta are concerned with the update. “Clippy won’t let me continue until I tell him I’m from India. Which I’m not. I’m from Michigan,” said Sengupta. “Apparently the name of my ‘font’ is Basmati Bollywood. What the fuck does that mean?”

Development of the update began in earnest February after a meeting gathering every Asian employee. Microsoft software engineer Mike Chanthavong was present for the call he believed was meant to address the rise in hate crimes against Asian people in America.

“I was hoping for like a week off, but executives put us on the spot and asked for something concrete the company could do to help. I don’t think anyone mentioned spell checks. Adding our names to the program’s dictionary was fine,” Chanthavong said.

“The Foreign Name Update” as it has been dubbed internally and now unashamedly externally, is set to be released at the end of May or as Kluger said, “whatever the last day of this current month is called for you folks.”