NYPD Reassures Public: ‘Serial Subway Flasher Will Be Caught if He Jumps the Turnstile!’

It’s time to crackdown on what really matters – fare evasion

May 24, 2022

NEW YORK, N.Y. – At 9:47 AM, the NYPD Commissioner, Keechant SeeWell, declared that the NYPD will be cracking down on what really matters – people not paying $2.75 to ride a train that barely works.

In spite of the push for a safer subway, the West Village Subway Flasher has been creating mayhem throughout the city. SeeWell made it clear that he will be caught if he jumps the turnstile.

“The NYPD has become aware of these issues and has decided to kill two birds with one stone. We can arrest him for terrifying straphangers, but most importantly crack down on fare evasion,” explained SeeWell.

What straphanger Jamie Zou describes as “a small pale flash of exactly what you expect,” the Subway Flasher is still terrorizing the city. To combat this, SeeWell has declared that they will arrest anyone who does not pay the fare.

Police all over the city will stay vigilant by being on their phone to avoid being flashed themselves. “The safety and wellbeing of our officers are our number one priority,” SeeWell declared.

Despite the officers reading about the flasher appearing at the stations that they “patrol,” they still have not managed to catch him.

“It seems like the flasher pays for the fare every time,” said Officer James McNally, while playing Candy Crush on his phone. “This will make it even harder to catch him but all we can do is keep looking down.”

To avoid the flasher, take the A train, not the F train. The F train now runs into the Bronx and during nights the L train will be rerouted to Connecticut.