Anti-Asian Conspiracy Theorist Needs to Know How Much Msg Is in COVID Vaccine

‘Chinese and liberals love MSG, and I don’t want to get infected by them’

May 31, 2021

SAN FRANCISCO – Chet Pookerson was next in line to get vaccinated when he asked the nurse whether or not the shot contained monosodium glutamate, aka MSG.

“I didn’t want to get the damn thing, but there’s a clerk at the gas station who told me that if I got the shot, I could take her on a date to Steak ‘n Shake, which is my favorite restaurant,” explained Pookerson, a 43-year-old stay-at-home son. “I really care about what I put into my body, so I need to know what’s in the needle. No microchips, no gay agenda, and definitely no MSG allowed in this body. The Chinese and liberals love MSG, and I don’t want to get infected by them. This is how they spread communism.”

Lisa Trinh, the nurse administering the shot, contemplated telling him that the vaccine did in fact include MSG, along with Bill Gates’ DNA and higher gas prices.

“We obviously get a lot of questions about the contents of the vaccine. This is the first time anyone has ever asked if there is any MSG in it,” admitted Trinh, the 48-year-old medical professional. “I never judge people about their medical questions, but I think I’m going to start after today. This is truly one of the dumbest things I have ever heard. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, so I considered quitting on the spot.”

“Somehow, I maintained my composure and assured him that there was no MSG in the shot,” continued Trinh. “He said he didn’t trust me and walked out with his ‘Worn by force. Not by fear.’ mask under his nose. I heard him mumble that even Steak ‘n Shake wasn’t worth becoming a Chinese puppet.”

Trinh reported the incident to the community organization Asians Against Ignorance so they could work on a campaign to educate the public. She had to reassure them this was not a prank.

“There are a lot of myths about MSG,” acknowledged Diane Hsiao, a spokesperson for the nonprofit group. “I’ve heard someone say that eating the compound will make the consumer grow fortune cookies in their stomach and cough them up like hairballs. I wish I were kidding, but I’m not. People need to know that everyday foods from tomatoes to cheese contain plenty of MSG. The FDA states that the flavoring is safe for ingestion and that Singapore Noodles just don’t taste good without it.”

Pookerson was later spotted at a Chinese buffet asking a hostess for her phone number.