Breakup Advice: How to Tell Your Dog You’ve Started Seeing Another Pet

Sure you can lie about cheating to your significant other, but your cat DESERVES the truth.

February 15, 2021

By: John Hedrick

By nature, humans need connection. A universal constant is the necessity to bond but what’s not always consistent are relationships. The relationships we make in life come and go. Some end amicably and others suddenly, but the one that must end on good terms is the one with your dog, cat, or other pet. Here’s how to tell your pet you’ve already started seeing another pet. Buckle up, you’re in the wrong here for doing this.

First of all, you can lie all you want about cheating with your significant other but your pet DESERVES the truth. Pets can’t even speak English and can barely do sign language so this is the least you could do for them. If you want to continue cheating on your pet then at least be smart about it: always pack a second pair of clothes and use WhatsApp for private messaging with that French bulldog under the name “Pizza Hut.”

Second of all, when you finally decide to tell your pet, prepare their favorite meal, anything ground beef and cream of chicken based will do. As your pet enjoys the meal, make sure to do long pets and not the short, scratchy ones behind their ear. This is when you break their heart. Tell them the truth. 

Finally, you have to move out. Your pet will need space to grieve and repair their broken heart. Just like humans, no one and no physical thing can heal a broken heart, only time. So pack your things and go move in with that slut of a golden retriever you’ve been seeing.