BREAKING: GOP Senators Accuse Myanmar of Cultural Appropriation Following Coup Attempt
“The only way it could’ve been more blatant is if it had failed”
Matt Gaetz Photo by Gage Skidmore
February 5, 2021
By: John Doe
In a press conference today, GOP senators stood united in their condemnation of the military coup in Myanmar which unseated Prime Minister Aung Sun Suu Kyi; she referred to it as a “clear-cut case of cultural appropriation.”
Standing behind a podium emblazoned with “Stop the Steal” and backed by eighteen Confederate flags, GOP spokesperson Marjorie Taylor Greene expressed the party’s views in no uncertain terms.
“The events of the past few weeks have clearly reminded the world that insurrections, coups, and attempts to topple legitimate democratic processes form an important part of American cultural identity, and for this to be replicated by others who do not possess our heritage is nothing less than offensive.”
“It may just be a coup to you, but to us, the physical act of attempting to forcibly take over a government is representative of the deep systemic injustices facing white people in the United States of America. Those who have not been in our position should not attempt to replicate our culture without first seeking our permission, and they definitely should not seek to blatantly exploit it without due recompense or acknowledgment.”
“We are deeply hurt, and are seeking a formal apology from the military of Myanmar.”
Greene’s colleague, Matt Gaetz, had similarly strong words for the military leaders in Myanmar. “As one of the proud leaders of our own, most recent coup, words cannot express just how deeply offended I am at this disgusting move by the people of Siam, I mean, Thailand. Burma? Either way, it’s unacceptable. To Aung San Suu Kyi and her followers, I say this: Stop the Steal! Don’t tread on me!”
Democrat senators largely refused to be drawn into commenting on the issue. One Democrat, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, noted that it was a challenging situation: “It’s a bit of a no-win, I mean, do we support an armed insurrection, or a leader who is happy to allow genocide in their own country? Wow, I guess I now know how Mitch currently feels.”
In a parting comment, Greene added, “A little birdie named ‘Q’ told me that if those in Myanmar don’t get the situation under control soon, they may also have a Jewish Space Laser knocking on their door too.”
