Biden Revokes Student Loan Forgiveness for All People Who Laughed at Him When He Fell off That Bike

“The scrapes and bruises healed but your tweets still hurt me to this day”

By: John Hedrick 

October 3, 2022

President Biden’s student loan forgiveness program started off successful until recently the administration scaled back forgiveness for applicants. Many are left unsure what or why this happened but an insider at the White House has revealed that the president is furious at everyone who made fun of him for falling off that bike.

“Oh yeah this was the plan all along,” said Biden Administration Communications intern, Scott Linsdale. “I handle the White House Twitter and as soon as I informed him that the bike fall video went viral, Biden said ‘Revenge is sweet’ then started operations for the student loan forgiveness program.”

Upon hearing our conversation with Linsdale, White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre shed some light on the subject.

“One thing to remember about President Biden is that he’s secretly evil,” said Jean-Pierre. “Not evil like a bad politician but evil in like a witchcraft type of way. When he fell up the stairs to Air Force One, someone cracked the ‘Walk much?’ joke. Biden took 3 of their fingernails, one of their hairs, and made a voodoo doll. Needless to say, that person floated around the White House all week.”

We asked other staff in the Biden Administration to comment but many refused out of fear. That is until Dr. Jill Biden decided to clear the air.

“He isn’t an evil witch nor does he practice any witchcraft. What is this? The Crucible?” said the First Lady. “It’s much worse than that. Joe was bullied a lot when he was younger and at his senior prom, his bullies poured pigs blood on him when he won Prom King. That was when everyone discovered he had telepathic powers and he used his power to exact revenge on everyone. Ever since then, he has been obsessed with making people pay.”

And that’s exactly how this ends. If you made fun of President Biden for falling off that bike, you have to pay either with your money or with your soul. With all this in mind, we asked Vice President Kamala Harris to comment on the matter but she was nowhere to be found.