How to Avoid Being Fetishized by White Men: Turn Yourself Into a Dimetrodon From the Paleozoic Era

In the words of Lady Gaga, “Baby, I was born this way.”

December 15, 2020

Many women of Asian descent will commonly have this challenge in the dating scene: trying to avoid dudes, especially white dudes, with an Asian fetish! Here is an abridged process to avoid this.

Step 1) Identify Why White Men Fetishize:

First, let’s think through the reasons why Asian women are fetishized. Now, I’m not here to bark up the wrong tree. I’m Chinese and can really only speak to that. I know that white men fetishize Chinese women because they think we’re obedient, submissive, exotic, petit, and basically any other tired tropes that you could possibly gather from a white man over the age of 60. If you haven’t witnessed any white men in the wild who love East-Asian women, visit the comments section of any BLACKPINK Youtube video.

Step 2) Avoid Common Perception:

What are the opposite things that we could do to avoid being “obedient, submissive, exotic, petit etc.?” We must try our best to not be perceived as these characteristics in order to circumvent being fetishized. I know you are thinking exactly what I am thinking – we must all become the Dimetrodon From the Paleozoic Era. And before you jump to conclusions about how “men like Dimetrodons From the Paleozoic Era” and “this plan will never work,” please, read the next step.

Step 3) Why Becoming a Dimetrodon from the Paleozoic Era Will Solve All of Your Dating Problems:

The Dimetrodon from the Paleozoic Era (TDFTPE) was a carnivorous (giant) lizard-like fella (like nearly 12 feet in length) with a spinal sail spanning the distance of its back (probably used for thermoregulation.) That should be enough to indicate to you that these characteristics are fundamentally the opposite of being docile, submissive, or any of the boring archetypes that white men paint on us! We can adopt spinal sails spanning the lengths of our backs for homeostasis. Find any spinal sail in your size on Amazon.com, and wear it like Ariana Grande and her long ponytail: majestic yet masochistic. PLUS! You will never be cold again.

We can hunt our prey consisting mostly of insects and other smaller animals! We can be nearly 12 feet long and cruise around all day on all fours. It’s also imperative we adopt these characteristics before it’s too late; before another white man comes by and says “hey you know, I did a semester abroad in Japan, and it was incredible. I just want to go back.” We can’t let them win. And trust me when I say when you present yourself as TDFTPE, any white dude with a fetish will be weeded out. Only the real men will stick around to see all your true flavors; the real you.

Step 4) Moving Past Becoming, To Just Be TDFTPE (The Dimetrodon From the Paleozoic Era)

We already have the right kind of teeth to consume all sorts of little critters, so go ahead and check that off the list. If you are not a limber Asian, no worries. Start getting into those cat-cow stretches. This will help you get situated with prancing around on all fours. When you get ready for dates, it’s important to be open and forward about your species identity. You are not straight, you are not human, you are The Dimetrodon From the Paleozoic Era. Repeat this as your morning daily mantra in the mirror. Deny all dates that the white man asks to take you on if it includes any dining. Remember, as much as you crave human food, you must maintain your figure; it’s best that you find a man that will take you to the forest to forage. This time of year, any southern portion of Appalachia will do wonders for your ideal climate. If you find yourself near a pole or nearby mountain, you must climb it; it’s instinctive. If you start to experience body aches from your newly developed spinal sail spanning the length of your back, try icy hot, or the Chinese version known as tiger balm. Lastly, it’s important as a lady Dimetrodon From The Paleozoic Era that you only mate with other male Dimetrodons with larger spinal sails. Also he should probably be at least 6 ft.

Bonus Step!

On a rare occasion, you’ll come across a guy with a Dimetrodon From The Paleozoic Era fetish, and they’re somehow worse. He can be identified with phrases like “You know, I’ve been to Japan once, and I love Godzilla.” That’s a dead give away. If this occurs to you, you will have to kill him and leave him in the woods that you were foraging in. Don’t worry about getting caught; the US punitive system does not recognize The Dimetrodon From The Paleozoic Era.