Please No Pooping in the Designated Cocaine Room

Looking for a roommate for this quaint 2 BR/1BA in Asheville, NC.

Looking for a roommate to share a quaint 2 bedroom 1 bath loft in downtown Asheville, NC. I am a chill young professional who is easy to get along with, and all I ask is that you are clean and respect my space.

I am taking COVID very seriously and would expect my roommate to as well, which is why I always keep alcoholic wipes next to the bong. If you’re going to smoke with me please do it COVID safely. #420Friendly

As for the cocaine room, I prefer the sink as uncluttered as possible, so I have a clean surface to cut my coke. If you must defecate please do not do it in the cocaine room. Go outside behind the bushes like a civilized person.

The kitchen is another area I prefer to keep as clean as possible. Please use tools and utensils for the purpose that they are intended for. My last roommate used my designated heroine spoon for yogurt which left my spoon caked in dried yogurt residue. Not only was this gross, but this creates a huge health risk to my intravenous injection process as I am lactose intolerant.

There is a second kitchen in the basement… please do not use the beakers and (other chemical equipment) to make margaritas or cocktails. These are strictly for my meth lab. Also don’t smoke in the basement you will create a gas explosion. The basement does meet city code for rentals.

I am a busy delivery driver who works mainly on nights and weekends. Overall, I am very committed to my job which often has me getting into my car and leaving to make deliveries all over the state at a moment’s notice. But I do like to relax a bit on Friday evenings, have a drink at the local bar, and not return to the apartment until Wednesday afternoon with no shoes on.

Also must be okay with having random strangers. I have 3 to 8 lingerers, and I can’t keep track of them anymore, and they *will* pee on your shoes. I take no responsibility for my regulars- er friends- actions. I may also pee on your shoes.

#ACAB #LGBTQFriendly

The ideal roommate would be open-minded, have a car, and be willing to hide paper bags of “clothes and stuff” in their trunk and drive across state lines.