“Just Like BTS,” Says Suburban Mom After Committing an Atrocity of a Haircut on Her Son

Jungkook is so handsome. My son is trying his best

October 24, 2022

Headline by: Hajin Yoo

Article by: Julia Zhen

MIDDLETOWN, N.J. – Mother of three, Maria Chang, could not have been prouder of herself after giving her 14 year-old son, Michael Chang, a DIY, at-home haircut, claiming it actually looks just like Jungkook’s haircut from the Dynamite music video. 

“He is so handsome,” exclaimed Maria, “I’m talking about Jungkook. Michael also is looking better.” Michael, on the other hand, was scrambling to find a short-term solution for himself as he returns back to school on Monday. 

“Okay I had a hunch that she was gonna pull some bullshit like this the day before school photos. Right now the haircut is kind of asymmetrical and poofy, but she somehow managed to make it bright pink? I really do not know what is going on with my hair right now,” rambled Michael. “Maybe if I bribe the photographer he could photoshop my hair with an actual photo of the head of Jungkook? Is that copyright infringement? Fuck it, I don’t care.”

As Michael paced around downstairs, he had no idea that his mother was actually taking her son’s transformation to a whole new level as she rifled through his closet and dresser.

“We can’t afford Louis Vuitton or anything like that, but I think if I write a ‘LV’ on everything with a marker, no one will be able to tell. No one has actually seen designer clothes close up… I bet the quality is just like this. They just charge a premium because they’re white Europeans,” explained Maria. 

As Michael realized what his mother was doing, he was left with very limited options. 

“Look, I would never say shit to my parents like ‘I wish I were white,’ like, I’ve seen enough TikToks to know what my self-worth as an Asian person, but god damn it I wish I was a white person right now,” confessed Michael. 

As Michael left the house for a walk to take a break from his ARMY-pilled mother, he saw all 7 life-size cardboard cut-outs of BTS standing guard outside of their home.