7 Movies That Would Have Been Totally Different if the Protagonist Had an Asian Voice of Reason Best Friend
The movies would be shorter but still equally as entertaining!
October 26, 2022
By: Hajin Yoo
1. Little Women – “Hey girlie, I know per the standards of the Antebellum South, your waifish childhood friend would make a decent scarecrow at best – but he might be kind of hot?” Jo comes to her senses, accepts Laurie’s proposal, and Mr. and Mrs. March live ever happily after.
2. Midsommar – A lifetime of large family gatherings will prepare you to know exactly when and how to get out of a party just as it’s on the precipice of completely spiraling out. “Can we just go to Stockholm?” Cut to Miss. Flo doing body shots off of a hot Nordic dude.
3. Black Swan – Natalie Portman just needed a friend to assure her that she was normal. Who could understand her better than a fellow overachieving (Asian) friend? “Nina! Who hasn’t hallucinated because of parental pressure? Now go out there and put on a fake smile like the rest of us.”
4. Nightmare Before Christmas – “Christmas… every day? I don’t know, what if we went to Lunar New Year town instead.” And then Jack Skeleton and his Asian friend spend a lifetime enjoying steamed buns and red envelopes.
5. Lost in Translation – What if Bill Murray tried to – oh, I don’t know – get to know the locals? What if Scarjo befriended a soft-spoken Tokyoite who used zen philosophy to convince her to leave her husband? Maybe Bill and Scarlett would have both stayed, gotten married (presumably at the Hyatt), and spent the rest of their lives doing what they love most: moping around hotels.
6. Fight Club – “Dude, you know we could just go to a dojo or something instead.”
7. Harry Potter – Why didn’t anyone propose killing baby Voldemort? Oh, maybe because the only named Asian character in the series is a one-dimensional shell named Cho-fucking-Chang? I’m gonna guess some Asian Ravenclaw with overlapping courses would also have had access to a time-turner and done the damn job themselves.
