Olympics to Add “Living in Chicago” to Official List of Winter Sports

Show the people something they can relate to

January 20, 2022

By: Andal Paul

CHICAGO, I.L. – Forecasts once again predict ‘record’ lows for most of the upper midwest in late January and even into early February, with temperatures dropping to -50 degrees Fahrenheit. Many Chicagoans are getting a headstart – which for most means bundling up and staying inside. But a select few are hopping on a plane, and heading to Beijing, China.

“This year, ahead of the winter olympics, we wanted to incorporate a few new sports to the official list,” said Thomas Bach, head of the Olympic Games Committee, proudly during a press conference. “We had a bunch of analysts look at our TV ratings along all of the previous winter sports, looking at what worked and what didn’t. We found that people wanted to see something they could relate to, and after a long, arduous discussion, the Olympics Committee landed on ‘living in Chicago’.”

The rest of his team nodded vigorously. “It’s something that’s relatable, but hard as hell,” Chimed in CFO Emma Fell. “It requires training, as you likely need to be born in Chicago to really adapt to the climate, and grit, because that shit is just not easy.” 

When it came to selecting the Olympic Winter Team, the committee chose an unorthodox approach. “Obviously there’s only one Chicago,” Lamented Bach. “So when we relayed the chosen sport to our international partners we told them to find an equivalent Chicago. After some confusion, Russia chose Khabarovsk, China chose Harbin, Heilongjiang and Serbia chose it’s entire continent.” 

Bach sighed. “It was hard for the warmer countries to understand why we chose that sport. But their time to shine will come once we add ‘living in Bamako, Mali’ for the summer olympics.”