REPORT: Your Mom Left a Really Long Voicemail From Her Pocket Again

*Muffled Noises*

December 28, 2021

By: John Hedrick 

Recent studies show that long voicemails are on the rise, specifically from local Asian mothers. 

“Every Saturday night. I swear it’s every Saturday night my mom calls me to see if I got her text from 4 minutes ago. I did, I’m just out with friends. As a result, I miss her call and she of course leaves a two and a half minute voicemail,” said Emily Cheng, daughter of local Asian mother Donna Cheng. 

“Sometimes I think she’s pissed and venting on the voicemail about partying with friends but then I remember I’m 27 and I just taught her how to unlock an iPhone. I still listen to the whole voicemail though, just in case she says something amongst all the muffled pocket noise,” lamented Emily. 

We reached out to wireless service providers to see if there was any way to prevent this phenomenon.

“We’ve installed new software that picks up the sounds of fabric scraping against the mic of the phone,” says Verizon Wireless engineer Greg Jenson. “Most pocket textures are fairly similar in tone and volume, however we are still working on mastering the sounds of the inside of a purse, between car seats, and the bottom of a pool.”

With this new technology in development, we asked how some local Asian mothers felt about it.

“I’m leaving voicemails?” said Donna Cheng.

As technology advances to save our society from technologically inept parents, we can only hope that the next invention helps teenagers text and drive.