Americans Unable To Distinguish Between Squid Game and Regular School Shootings
“At least they chose to participate.”
October 8, 2021
By: John Doe
As Netflix’s latest smash hit Squid Game continues its meteoric ascent in popularity, many Americans continue to be bemused by the series’ deadly premise. Specifically, many point out that the game closely resembles their own experiences at high school, with the key difference being the higher levels of lethality, in the schools.
One teacher, who spoke on condition of anonymity, pointed out that the rules of Squid Game were clearer, fairer, and more rigorously enforced than in their school.
“I mean, the worst thing they were able to smuggle in was a knife. These days, I have to routinely wear a bulletproof vest to teach physics, so a knife really isn’t a big deal,” they added while in the middle of conducting a routine school lockdown drill.
In the United States, incidents of firearms being discharged at schools occur every two weeks on average, pausing recently only because schools were closed as a result of COVID-19 lockdowns. This is probably due to the fact that the estimated number of guns per person in the US exceeds 120, meaning that guns are on the whole more readily accessible to teenagers than heroin, decent jobs, and lessons on women’s reproductive rights.
“Thing is, in Squid Game, it seems like they all wanted to be there, and had a fair chance of making some real money. I’m 15, and I know that if I finish school without somehow getting shot at, all I get is a diploma, with a chance at maybe earning enough money to avoid being crushed by student loan debt,” said one student at a local high school.
“Not much else is that different. Popularity contests, bullying, a highly regimented life—at least they didn’t have to do homework on top of all that. Oh, and the food they were given was definitely better than what we’re getting. Look, if the weird kid who sits in the corner in Biology snaps one day, my odds are definitely going to be worse than a 1-in-456 chance, so.”
Over the course of the reporting for this story, interviews were only interrupted eleven times due to metal detector alerts, alarm testing, lockdown drills, locker searches, security guard patdowns, and a hall pass escort request—a new low when compared to other previous school-related articles.
