REPORT: Mom’s Phone Flashlight Has Been On For the 77th Hour

It’s burning a hole through her jeans pocket.

By: John Hedrick

August 17, 2021

After many complaints and multiple anonymous tips, our reporters decided to investigate the strange phenomena around why Mom’s flashlight is still on. The findings will shock you. Reader’s discretion is advised.

According to local sources, the flashlight was first turned on Sunday morning around 8 A.M. shortly after Mom woke up. Investigators assumed it was an accident from trying to unlock her phone as there was no evidence that she needed light to look for something. Forensics determined that she got dressed, ate breakfast, and walked the dog but left her phone on the nightstand next to her bed, flashlight down. 

After breakfast and several hours of watching QVC for products she can’t afford, she hurriedly exited the house to go to the grocery store. In her rushed departure from the house, she threw the phone into the depths of her purse only to illuminate some gum wrappers and receipts from the pharmacy.

It is here where the phone flashlight remains activated for another 30 hours giving us a total of 36 hours of wasted brightness. What’s more impressive is that she didn’t respond to any text messages for that period of time. There were no phone calls to be answered as well because her children are forgetful. 

At hour 36, her phone was removed from the purse and into her pocket where the flashlight created a white dot on her jeans for 8 hours. It was here where investigators discovered that mothers possess some form of absentminded magic that prevents phone batteries from dying as a result of excess flashlight usage. Any normal phone would have died at this point, but the flashlight remained activated for another 33 hours.

Hour 77 when her first son visited home to do some laundry, he acknowledged that her flashlight was on, to which she responded, “I thought that just meant the phone was working?”