How to Explain to Your Guy Friends that Getting Down to Business and Defeating the Huns is Part of Hot Girl Summer
They sent me a hot girl summer when I asked for sun.
By: Grant Yang
August 11, 2021
Oh no, it’s already August and you’re running out of time to start that hot girl summer you were bragging to your friends about in May. Before your guy friends abandon you for one of those white Instagram models with the same color skin over their whole body, you’ve got to pull out one summer power move to get into their good graces: saving China from the Huns.
1. Get a fresh summer haircut using your dad’s sword
The boys will quickly see that you’re having a hot girl summer if you change up your hairstyle to something fun and flirty. Spice up these last weeks of summer by stealing the family sword and slicing through your symbol of traditional femininity in one fell swoop. Short bobs and slightly shorter bobs, the sword can do it all!
2. Really fit in with your guy friends by dressing up as one (and getting drafted)!
Nothing quite gets the guys off your back by blending into them (while maintaining your hot girl summer!) Go to your local H&M and pick up some boy shorts to go with your historic Chinese military uniform. Your guy friends are gonna love it when you slick your girly hair back into a messy bun with one hand while the other hand is signing up to join China’s front lines against the Hun invasion. Boys love a girl who isn’t afraid to get her hands dirty and blood-soaked!
3. Achieve your dream summer body by pole climbing and rescuing the Emperor of China
The epitome of hot girl summer is looking hot, so tone up your glutes and triceps by slowly climbing the wooden pole in the middle of the barracks. Then, enjoy a relaxing day of self-care as you launch Shan Yu, leader of the Huns, into a tower of fireworks and kill him in the explosion. As the Emperor and the entire nation bows down to you, make sure to announce to your guy friends that “this was nothing” to appear cool. Now you just need to get abducted by a lonely beast in a castle for Christian girl autumn!
