Socially Clueless Girl Bizarrely Follows up on Empty Offer to “Hang Out Sometime”
“Stare at your phone instead of engaging with others you social outcast!”
By: Grant Yang
July 26, 2021
Last night, 23-year-old Bethany Ahn received a baffling text from her old high school classmate Reyna Woo following up on her offer from months prior to “hang out sometime.” Ahn had made the empty proposal when they saw each other at Wilmot High’s Class of 2016 Five-Year Reunion, but thought she had made it clear there was no sincerity or intent behind her words.
“It’s just one of those things you say but everyone normal knows you don’t mean it,” Ahn related, “but Reyna has always been kinda socially unaware like that. Even in high school she would show up to parties promptly at the time we told her. Utterly clueless, that one.”
In their ensuing text conversation, Ahn and Woo decided to meet up at a local sushi restaurant. “I knew Reyna was vegetarian so I kept suggesting meat restaurants to try and let her know that I didn’t actually want to hang out,” Ahn went on, “but I must have seemed a little too eager because she said that she would go anywhere as long as it made me happy, the subservient freak. So now we’re going to Yuraku. Great because I’m allergic to fish.”
After the two ordered only rice, Woo started making small talk and asked about Ahn’s life since high school. Ahn was utterly caught off guard by the questions, not realizing that they had to interact during this lunch.
“For some reason, Reyna kept trying to make meaningful conversation. Hello?! It’s 2021! Stare at your phone instead of engaging with others you social outcast! She must not have socially adjusted since high school because she clearly has not interacted with people recently. For example, when I finally responded to her questions out of pity, she would talk right back. She needs help.”
As the two finished up their single bowl of rice, Ahn kept trying to subtly implant the thought in Woo’s brain that she wanted to leave. For example, she would think hard about glancing at her watch, but never actually do it. “It’s called manifesting,” Ahn explained, “it’s how you communicate your thoughts and feelings nowadays. For example, I smiled at her while repeating the phrase ‘You are not welcome here’ over and over in my head and squeezing my amethyst. Evidently, her social awareness chakra was blocked.”
At the end of the meal, Woo asked to hang out again. As is custom, Ahn suggested they take a trip together to Cabo without genuinely meaning a single word. Within minutes, Woo booked a flight like the social pariah she is.
