‘A White Boy Summer Is Long Overdue, White Men Deserve It,’ Declares Dinesh D’Souza
Don’t forget your sunblock!
July 5, 2021
By: Sai Dharmarajan
White boys are finally about to get their moment in the sun and one supporter of their cause couldn’t be more pleased. That white boy ally is conservative commentator, conspiracy theorist, and biological son of two Indian immigrants Dinesh D’Souza.
Mr. D’Souza explained the historical significance. “For far too long white guys have had to practice restraint, being denied the basic human right to express themselves. This is true especially during the summer. White men today can’t even walk into their neighborhood 7-11 to get a La Croix without the cashier torturing them with some Bollywood noise. These micro aggressions have to stop! It’s time America lets white guys live. It’s time we take this country back to the glorious days of its past when it’s founding fathers made sure every man in the land was free to do as he pleases.”
Mr. D’Souza, now visibly frustrated, clarified how this oppression of white men affected him personally. “Having to live alongside two brown immigrants who refuse to assimilate, I have first hand experience of what white people go through on a daily basis.”
When asked if the two brown immigrants he was referring to are his parents,he continued, “I just need a break! Growing up, I was even forced to adopt their culture, ingesting intolerably spicy curry for every meal and listening to the same Bollywood noise I hear at every 7-11. Can you believe that?! I was never given an opportunity to get in touch with my whiteness.”
Dinesh couldn’t contain his excitement when talking about his plans to celebrate the summer. “I plan to get us all together – me, Tucker, Ben Shapiro, the Trump boys, Matt Gaetz and the rest of the Fox crew – and have fun the way only white boys know how to. It’ll be great. Just a bunch of white boys enjoying some white claws on a white sand beach basking in the white summer sun.”
Tucker Carlson was asked if he intended to spend white boy summer hanging out with Mr. D’Souza. To which he responded, “Who?!”. When he was shown a picture, Tucker said “I think I recognize him. He’s likely the cabbie who picked me up from the airport. Why would I be hanging out with him? I’m going to be having the guys over for some white boy summer barbecue. I’ll make sure to tell security to keep a lookout for this cabbie who might try to crash the event.”
