Heartbreaking: Nobody Comes to Local Country’s 245th Birthday Party

Hopefully it’s the last one.

July 4, 2021

By: Grant Yang

With the July 4th decorations all set and the food laid out on the table, it slowly began to dawn on America that none of the other countries were showing up to his 245th birthday party. “It’s just not fair!” whined America, tears streaming down his face and onto his party hat string, “I made everyone’s favorites. Hot dogs for Israel and burgers for India. And they don’t even bother to show up! I even invited the UK even though we had that falling out. Why doesn’t anyone appreciate me?”

America texted into the party group chat that had been radio silent the days leading up, asking why nobody came to his party. “To be honest, America, you’re too self-centered,” replied China, “you’ve said some pretty messed up stuff about me and made a lot of the other countries uncomfortable. We hope you understand.” The message was quickly liked by Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia, Korea, Japan, the Philippines, Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, Russia, Palestine, Israel, Somalia, Libya, Chad, Congo, Brazil, Argentina, Chile, Bolivia, Colombia, Panama, Nicaragua, Guatemala, Honduras, El Salvador, Haiti, and Mexico.