BREAKING: Oli London Becomes White Again In Order to Dodge Korean Military Service

‘I’ll probably try out Israel next! They don’t have military service right?’

July 6, 2021

By: John Hedrick

Sources report that local sociopath Oli London, known for their journey from whiteness to Koreanhood, has recently reverted back to a white identity upon learning that South Korea has a mandatory military service for citizens over 18 years old.

“Deep down I knew that I was white as soon as I tried Kimchi – way too spicy for me! I would like to thank the Korean community for allowing me to explore my racial identity though and I wish them the best.” London explained.

We spoke to co-worker and member of the Korean community, Daniel Cho, to see how he felt about the news.

“Aigo, that person was never Korean to begin with. As soon as they heard about the mandatory military service they dropped the mandu and bibimbap then immediately picked up some fish and chips. But honestly, good riddance. Oli’s meals would reek up the break room.” says Cho.

However, Jimin had some choice words for the wanna-be Korean.

“안전하지 않다고 느낍니다. Oli London은 MoMo의 무서운 이미지처럼 보입니다. 어쨌든 버터 들어 봐” said Jimin.

Finally, we tried to contact Rachel Dolezal for comment but Newsweek beat us to it. No seriously. The satire stops here. We were gonna do a headline about how Rachel Dolezal supports Oli London as a Transracial person but this actually happened. Look it up. The world is fucked.

Photo courtesy of Allkpop.com