Angelina Jolie Adopts Cambodian Highway

“I think highways are the new children.”

June 16, 2021

PHNOM PENH, Cambodia – Angelina Jolie has found herself ready to adopt in Cambodia again – but this time, not for children, sources say.

“The first time I saw an empty Frutati candy bag on the side of the road, I was devastated,” lamented Jolie. “I vowed right then and there I would do whatever I could for those people so they would have access to the pristine, problem-free highways we have over here. As far as kids are concerned, I believe I have done enough for them. Although many people these days say that pets are the new children, I disagree. I think highways are the new children. Now, more than ever, I can’t bear to see how many orphaned roads there are.”

The Cambodian government, which has severely lacked any Hollywood endorsements recently, jumped at the opportunity to work with Jolie.

“Americans trying to save Asian countries has always worked out well for us, I mean look at Vietnam,” gushed Sun Chanthol, Minister of Public Works and Transport. “Angelina has been nothing but a blessing. Her involvement in our transportation infrastructure has been quite eye-opening because she showed us a lot of footage from Los Angeles. The streets are so exciting! When people aren’t weaving in and out of traffic at 200 kilometers per hour, they get to sit at complete standstills where they can nap to catch up with all the sleep they missed while waiting in other traffic jams. That unpredictability is exactly what we want to bring over here.”

However, not everyone was impressed with the actress’s involvement in the Cambodian highway system.

“I just saw a billboard for Mr. And Mrs. Smith,” sneered Sreyleak Dith, a resident of the country’s capital. “The potholes have been filled with cardboard cutouts of Angelina as Lara Croft. The lines between the lanes have been replaced by pictures of her lips. The speed limit signs are just her in different dresses at awards shows. All of that is trashier than any candy wrapper on the side of the road.”

At press time, Jolie was negotiating with several countries in Africa to adopt highways there as well.