Even A Broken System is Right Twice a Decade

“We didn’t want anyone thinking this was the status quo, so we sent Nancy Pelosi out to say some dumb shit”

April 20, 2021

By: Andal Paul

MINNEAPOLIS – Derek Chauvin, a former Minneapolis police officer, was found guilty of the murder of Geoge Floyd Tuesday afternoon. In the greater Washington, DC area, however, policy makers are stunned – but not for the reasons you think.

“It’s just weird we got this right,” Virginia governor Ralph Northam, an unwavering Democrat, said in a press conference shortly following the verdict. “We all said we saw this coming, but I had my fingers crossed behind my back.”

DC Mayor Muriel Bowser claimed to have known “justice would be served” from the get go. “It’s kind of surreal to see our justice system at work. If only the looters from last summer could have been a bit more patient.” Bowser was later seen ushering national guard members behind a supreme court pillar whispering, “hide, just hide.”