REPORT: Asian Woman Very Proud to Have Token Scary Blonde Friend

“She taught me how to steal panties from Victoria’s Secret.”

February 22, 2021

By: Julia Zhen

BALTIMORE – 26 year-old Iris Fang recounts the heartwarming relationship with one of her closest friends – a blonde hair, blue-eyed Vanessa Johnson. 

Iris Fang grew-up in a diverse suburban area as a child, but into adulthood, she found that most of her friends were people of color, primarily other asians, except for her good friend, Vanessa Johnson. 

“Vanessa always taught me cool stuff that I would have never learned on my own. When we first went to the mall together as teenagers, she taught me how to steal panties from Victoria’s Secret by just grabbing a bunch, trying them on, and wearing them underneath your pants,” explains Fang. 

But there were always times where Johnson would show her aggressive side. A side that Fang and many of her peers of color would never express outwardly in public. 

“When Vanessa and I went to Subway on campus after class, the guy messed up her order and gave her ham instead of turkey. Vanessa became livid,” details Fang, “She started deconstructing the sandwich and throwing ham, bread, provolone cheese, swiss cheese, american cheese, mozzarella cheese, cheddar cheese, monterey jack at the guy. A woman and her baby barricaded themselves in the bathroom. It was a total disaster that day, and I got a parking ticket.”

Friendship expert Lorena Chivitz states that this type of chaotic white woman paired with mild-mannered and the put-together Asian woman dynamic are common. 

“Asian women find that sometimes they want to diversify their friend group. They have the intelligent friend or a sporty friend, but then they want a wildcard. They want a woman that doesn’t play by the books. They ultimately want a scary blonde woman that will purposefully spill a whole drink over a man at the bar and then scream at him for running into her and ruining her fake Chanel boots so that he’ll be bullied into buying her and her friends a round of drinks for free. They want to invite the agent of chaos.”

While Vanessa Johnson was unavailable for comment, Fang defends her friend, stating that “it’s always good to have more diverse voices in the friend group” and that she has indulged in many “free meals because Vanessa always sends food back to the chef.”