This Middle Aged White Man Has a Great Story About Being Stationed Overseas in Your Country

“Island boy was a nickname for me!”

July 6, 2022

QUEENS, N.Y. – Filipino homeowner Ryan Santiago had a broken water filter in his apartment sink yesterday afternoon. With no other options, Santiago decided to call superintendent and ex-marine, Frank Palmer.

“Oh what type of Asian are you?” said Palmer as he walked inside attempting to strike up a conversation. “I’m Filipino,” Santiago replied.

Palmer lit up “I was stationed there! I was an island boy! Island boy was kind of a nickname for me!”

It was not.

“I love you people! OHLAMPO CITY BEST KEPT SECRET HUH?” nudged Palmer. “Best kept.. Because of all the prostitutes.. Those were the days.. All the locals were so nice to me.. You people are so nice.. I never felt loved but I felt love there.. Everyone here treats me like I’m inconsiderate but there they just smiled and nodded.. You know what it’s like to be loved.. I wish I did,” he rambled.

“Yep,” replied Santiago, who has never been to the Philippines.

“You guys love that duck fetus.. Guess you guys got impatient.. That stuff was good.. I don’t agree with the ethics.. A fetus is still life.. But life is good.. It should be protected,” said Palmer, who believed all life was sacred unless it was in the context of committing a war crime to stop a revolution.

“Yeah we visited Korea, me and the whole platoon.. If I was single again I’d definitely like to meet an Asian broad.. You people are so respectful. I wish my wife was Asian,” confessed Palmer who was confident that all Asian women desire a body that resembles a pile of mashed potatoes.

“Thank you for your service,” said Santiago referring to the plumbing situation, not the military occupancy.

“I love my country,” said Palmer before going back to fixing the sink.