Mayans Real Quiet After Three World-Ending Events
We might have misread their calendar back in 2012…
July 13, 2022
By: Andal Paul
BBC WORLD NEWS HQ, LONDON, UK — Citizens around the world are more than shaken after last week’s news included two historically significant and world-changing events, adding to a general paranoia that the apocalypse is on the horizon. The sentiment was born back in February of this year when Russians invaded the sovereign territory of Ukraine, and grew when news outlets touted two incredibly rare headlines – ‘Shinzo Abe Assassinated!’ and ‘Sri Lankan President Overthrown!’ People panicked. Naturally, experts turned to the group of people with former knowledge on the subject – the ancient Mayans.
“It’s incredibly complicated to discern some of the ancient texts,” lamented archaeologist and anthropologist Tim Burton Jr. when asked if there was anything to hint at the end of the world in Mayan literature. “We might have misread their calendar back in 2012… the ‘1’ and ‘2’ characters are very similar.”
Historian Maya Angle had a different take. “The Mayans may have predicted 2012 as the end of the world instead of 2022 because they wanted us to figure this out ourselves. They knew we’d be strong enough to kind of understand the trajectory of our current civilization.” Maya whistled. “It’s genius.”
Regardless, it’s no question that many across the world are searching for answers we may never get. Well, except for Mayan descendant Eva Lang from Brooklyn.
“Y’all are literally so stupid I refuse to do this interview.” Choked out a breathless Lang, jogging away from reporters. “They literally just stopped their calendar in 2012 arbitrarily. And I’m NOT the spokesperson for the ancient Mayans!!!”
