Local “Alpha” Male Gives First Woman President Some “Really Good” Unsolicited Advice

“I’ve never run a country before but if I did, I would do it way better than Kamala.”

November 21, 2021

By: John Hedrick

On Friday November 19th, President Joe Biden temporarily handed presidential power over to Vice President Kamala Harris while he underwent a colonoscopy thus making Harris the first woman president of the United States. As groundbreaking as this event was, the Alpha Male community still found a way to make it about themselves.

“I don’t care if she’s the most powerful person in the world. I’m still the strongest person in the room.” said local Alpha Male Chet Checkerson, “As an Alpha who cares about the free world, I called Kamala to give her some advice on how to lead the greatest country ever. I told her to puff her chest out and impose her will on China, NOT the other way around.”

Although the Alpha community claimed to be the first to reach out to Vice President Harris, the Sigma male community were quick to dispute that claim.

“I don’t care if she’s the most powerful person in the world. I’m still the most self-reliant person in the room.” said local Sigma Male Chad Chaderson, “I was so busy focusing on myself that I almost forgot to give her advice on how to run the country so I called her up early in the morning before I filmed a Tik Tok of me doing pushups and told her to focus on America and don’t let China distract her in any way. Focus in and success will follow.”

A plethora of Alpha and Sigma males all claimed to call Vice President Harris so we contacted a White House employee to confirm the phone calls.

“Oh yeah, as soon as the news released that Vice President Harris was president, a bunch of dudes have been trying to get through to her but the only phone number available for the White House is the one to the help desk for White House Tours. So our tour services have been receiving messages from douchebags all day.” said White House employee Daniel McCarren.

According to White House Tour services, the Beta male messages all told Kamala to just be herself. Unfortunately, before Harris could listen to the multitudes of advice, she handed power back over to President Biden.