Elon Musk to Buy Twitter and Rename It XASH-BIRD121

If Grimes texts me back, I’ll be normal.

April 19, 2022

By: Andal Paul

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – A buzz of nervous chatter can be heard all the way from Market street over to Dolores Park. Commuters keep their heads down, scarves drawn tight to stave off the Bay’s chill. Ground zero, the scene of the crime – Twitter headquarters, is an office in disarray. 

“No reporters at this time,” waved Vijaya Gadde, Head of Legal, Policy and Trust at Twitter, closing and locking the large glass doors that marked the company’s large entryway with a clang. Ever since the news came out that Elon Musk made a multi-billion dollar offer to buy Twitter out from under its current shareholders, Twitter Execs and Interns alike have kept their heads down and mouths shut, refusing to give away information on the status of the offer. But yesterday evening, Musk announced the kicker – any acceptance of an offer was contingent on a name change: Twitter to XASH-BIRD121.

“It’s downright mutiny,” Gadde had said in a rare press conference shortly after the news hit the headlines. “He’s taking something sacred and spitting on it.”

Musk published a series of tweets on the topic. One simply stated, ‘Hahahaha they’re taking it seriously’ and another, ‘If Grimes texts me back ,I’ll be normal.’

This is a developing story.