Exhausted Waiter at Chinese Restaurant Asked to Sing Happy Birthday
‘It makes the waiter’s job more fun!’
By: Ian Yamamoto
NEW YORK — An overworked waiter at a Chinese restaurant was just asked to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to a gaggle of White women, sources say.
“When me and the girls go out for dinner, it’s an event, doubly so when it’s a birthday,” said head White woman Janine Wilkins. “So what’s wrong with me asking our waiter to sing for us? Singing is fun! It makes the waiter’s job more fun! And I could tell this guy needed a break – he was all frowny and drenched in sweat!”
“I was so embarrassed,” said regular Belinda Chung. “These White ladies don’t understand how Chinese restaurants work. Chinese waiters do not make eye contact with you, they do not make small talk, in fact, they barely acknowledge your existence. You are nothing but an obstacle to them. Good Chinese customer service is about getting you in and out as quickly as possible so that the next customer can sit and the restaurant can make more money. Asking a Chinese waiter for anything other than the bill is actually so rude.”
“Not only did they want me to sing, they also wanted me to bring out a cake with candles,” said overworked Chinese waiter Mark Zheng. “This isn’t Applebee’s – we don’t do big desserts like cake. Chinese desserts are more or less boiled vegetables like red beans, tofu, and tapioca, and they’re only as sweet as the coating on Advil The best Chinese dessert is cut up oranges. Our kitchen staff didn’t know what to do, so they piled up some congee fritters and drizzled condensed milk on them. It actually looked pretty good, but of course the White people weren’t into it.”
The Chinese waiter was last seen being pressured to take a sip of Tsingtao while being spanked by Wilkins.
