“I Warned You,” Says Greta Thunberg Over Nation’s Chicken Tender Shortage

Now your only options are fried tofu or an electric car.

December 7, 2021

By: Grant Yang

US officials have recently announced that due to the supply chain crisis, chicken tenders will likely become unavailable in the near future. “I told you so,” weighed in climate activist Greta Thunberg on the important issue, “I warned you that if you didn’t stop polluting the air and the oceans, they were going to cause massive irreparable destruction. And here it is, the global extinction of chicken tenders.”

The USDA has released a statement that they will enact emergency countermeasures to stop the end of chicken tenders, including actions such as converting all coal factories into chicken coops. “Too little too late,” offered Thunberg as she tossed a baby turtle into the recycling bin instead of the trash can, “I tried to tell you. So now you must eat the consequences of your own actions.”