Ah Fuck: Jiu Jitsu Class Taught by Middle Aged White Guy

No way a man who came in wearing socks with his Birkenstocks knows anything about the ancient martial arts of Japan

By: Neel Bhakta

September 29, 2021

OMAHA 一 Eager white-belted beginners rapidly became disappointed after learning their instructor is some middle-aged white guy.

“I was so excited to finally begin this jiu jitsu class, I’ve been thinking about it all week. I got off work a bit earlier and my enthusiasm immediately disappeared when he walked in,” said an upset Ken Matsuda. “Who the fuck is this old white dude? I thought he was lost at first so I told him the upscale microbrewery is actually next door. Turns out, his name is Mr. Jones and he’s the instructor! I thought there was no way a man who came in wearing socks with his Birkenstocks knew anything about the ancient martial arts of Japan, but I was obviously wrong. I challenged him and immediately got thrown across the mats,” said Matsuda, while icing his shoulder.

“Why does he know jiu jitsu? What circumstances in his life led him toward the path of beating my ass like that? My Japanese ancestors were probably already ashamed of me, but this is something I won’t be able to recover from. It’s strange, because even though he obliterated me, Mr. Jones still helped me up and called me champ. Is this what it’s like to have White parents? I’m just not sure how to feel about this,” said Matsuda.

At press time, Mr. Jones was found exclusively chatting to the single Asian mothers who came to pick up their children.