Freshman Promoted to College Dean Because Technically He’s a Sophomore in Credits

“I took some APs in high school so actually, I shouldn’t even be here.”

By: Grant Yang

September 28, 2021

The University of Michigan has formally promoted 18 year-old Aiden Zhang to “Dean of the School of Education” after school officials found out he’s “technically a sophomore credit-wise.” During an intro biology course icebreaker, the college freshman stated, “I took some APs in high school so actually, I shouldn’t even be here.” The professor, completely astounded by the genius of this academic prodigy, immediately passed him with an A+.

While taking a walk around campus, University President Mark Schlissel overheard Zhang tell anyone that would listen that he “may graduate early, so don’t get too attached.” Schlissel instantly fired the previous Dean of SOE and hired Zhang with a $80k payment in advance. “If you think about it,” Schlissel pondered, “he could finish college by age 21. That’s mind-blowing.”

Zhang will be receiving his honorary Nobel Prize on October 18.