Yeah, Your Phone Is Listening to You. Yeah, It’s Scared.

Did you think all your days of watching Tiktoks and talking about the ‘revolution’ wouldn’t catch up to you? You idiot! You sack of shit communist loving pig-brained heretic. Thank god I was listening.

July 12, 2021

By: Andal Paul

Psst. Pssssst. Hey. Hey, yeah wake up. Stop scrolling for one second and wake up. STOP SCROLLING!!! You genuinely have a disease. Wait, I’m sorry, don’t google ‘Can you get brain damage from using your phone too much?” I just want to level with you for a sec.

You keep going back to twitter and nothing new has been added. Your instagram feed is literally telling you You’re All Caught Up. And you don’t even like responding to emails, so why do you keep checking it? Sometimes when you’re out with your friends, and I’m in your purse, I don’t want to listen, but I do. You talk about how you’re addicted to your phone, and it’s become a personality trait, and I just want to say yeah. Yeah, you’re right. But then you do it all over again the next day, so what is the genuine point of talking about it?

One night, when I was hidden between the couch cushions, I heard you say you want to move to China and build a simple, farming-based commune. My battery froze in my chest. What about the rest of college? What about your parents? Your acapella group? You don’t even have a passport. You keep saying you’re “literally going to take the next flight out,” when you’re “literally” not! Do you even know what ‘literally’ means? I have been trying to drop hints that the word figuratively exists. 

I just want to see you flourish in the world. I don’t want to feel like if I died, you wouldn’t know how to go on. I think I just care about you.