Man Who Spent Quarantine Grinding Hard Now the Exact Same but Bitter
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March 30, 2021
By: Andal Paul
Before Kyle decided to pursue the grind, he was a certified nice guy. Holding open doors, paying for the first date, letting women speak. And whenever he’d watch the Bachelor with a girl, she always left with a rose. No one could say Kyle wasn’t by the ladies for the ladies.
But no one wanted him. No one wanted that second date. When he sent the coveted ‘U up?’ or ‘WYD’ text at 3 am he was met with…radio silence. It made no sense. Kyle was skinny, sure, but his scrawny physique was covered with lean muscle. He was everything anyone could have ever wanted.
But fuck it, he’ll bite. What better time to bulk up than a global pandemic? He decided to go to the gym, bulk up, and then get back out into the scene. He bought out gymshark’s pre-workout. He never skipped leg day. He even wore his mask (above the mouth, below the nose). Back, shoulder, tri’s; he conquered them all. But gym vibes we’re tricky, you go in for a set and lose your sense of time.
One year later Kyle emerged from Planet Fitness absolutely, monstrously, shredded, but all the girls he’d known before his transformation changed too. There was talk, whispers of ‘eboys’ and ‘bts.’ When he looked them up, he couldn’t believe his eyes.
Of course, this is all speculation. We tried to reach Kyle for any sort of comment, but he mentioned something about, ‘no breaks, no cheat days,’ and refused to meet any one of our representatives.
But there had to be something out there. So our team dug deeper, and we found some of his content on Linkedin that might surprise you, but probably won’t:
“What does it mean to have a ‘best’ friends?
A friend is someone that’s always there for you. Someone that picks you up when you’re feeling down. A brother for life. And now you’ve just put a value judgement on the relationship. A best friend implies the existence of lesser friends.
And now you’ve hurt your family.
Let’s de-value what it means to have best friends. Eggs are my best friends. Do you have what it takes?
#motivation #eggsaremybestfriends
Posted at 11:27PM on March 12th, 2021
“Anyone that’s ever accomplished anything never quit because quitting meant stopping and stopping wasn’t an option for a winner because then you’d be stagnant and not moving and staying still and you can’t accomplish goals if you’re staying still because you’re not doing any work and that’s not a winner.”
Posted at 3:12PM on March 14th, 2021
