Wow! Jay Leno Apologizes, ‘I Figured I’d Die Before Society Respected Asians’

‘We respect them now? Ok me too I guess’

March 25, 2021

Caught off guard by the recent shift of public opinion towards Asians, Jay Leno reluctantly issued a half assed apology for decades of asian jokes. From a press conference in a Panda Express parking lot on Wednesday night, he admitted, “I knew in my heart it was wrong, but I figured I’d die before we as a society cared about Asians’ feelings.”

“In the back of my head, I kinda guessed it could happen one day, but I just didn’t expect it to rise up so quickly on the list of public priorities,” Leno said as he got into his Mazda G6.

“I always assumed we’d get there eventually, but only after we had tackled the important issues like repainting the Liberty Bell, sloth PED usage, and finding the lost city of Atlantis. After that, maybe we could get around to the little things like treating Asian feelings as valid and worthy of respect.”

As he drove away, he rolled down his window, threw out a pair of chopsticks, and was heard saying, “God I hope I die soon. I don’t want to have to apologize for all those jokes I made about UFOs.”