How To Avoid Being Called ‘Articulate’ in The Workplace
“If ‘articulate’ isn’t the compliment you’re looking for, well that’s on you to fix!”
March 16, 2021
By: Julia Zhen
In recent years, we’ve come to notice that only the highest of compliments in the workplace is being called articulate, but is only reserved for the people of color in the office! But what if that’s not the compliment you’re looking for? Well then that’s on you to fix!
The first tip to avoid being called articulate in the workplace is to deny your race. Use the acronym NRNE: Not Racial Not Ethnic. This is best done during the hiring process. On the application for the job where they ask for your race and ethnicity, just write “Not Racial Not Ethnic.” Simple!
The second step in this process is to build a rapport with your boss. You’ll probably need to have a few one-on-one meetings with your boss. Be sure when they start to ask about your background, you keep it DYV: Direct Yet Vague. “Yes I am from America. My parents are humans where I draw similarities in phenotypes.” or “I have not heard of Asia or Asian before so I do not think I am.” Remember, DYV: Direct Yet Vague.
During conversations with coworkers is when you’ll really leverage this last tip: IDK, colloquially known as I Don’t Know. When you inevitably bring in your deliciously ethnic lunch, in this example, we’ll use popular summertime Beijing-style noodle dish, ZhaJiangMian. When you heat up your lunch in the break room, you’ll get questions about what you’re eating from colleagues. “Wow! Jess, that looks so interesting. What is that?” you say “I don’t know.” “Oh, Jess, haha you’re so funny. But seriously, what is that?” “I don’t know.” “Haha okay, looks like it’s noodles with cucumbers? What’s that brown stuff?” “I don’t know, Patricia.” Adding in “Patricia” in the end will make the conversation seem more lively and personable.
Now, in these situations, also known as the classic “lunchbox moments” you might even get looks of disgust rather than interest from colleagues. Let’s revisit Patricia, she might say “ew, oh my god Jess, that smells so weird, what are you eating?” In times like this we will utilize IJCN: “It’s just chicken nuggets.” This will help to completely subdue the situation because white people absolutely go apeshit for chicken nuggets, and they come in all sorts of shapes, smells, and forms! Quite literally anything could pass for a chicken nugget, so IJCN is a very versatile tool. And Patricia will be immediately comforted by the idea of a familiar chicken nugget that she’ll probably just stop asking!
However, the best tool to always keep in your back pocket if all else fails: JWAFTTTLTWYASTI – Just Wear A Foundation That’s Two Tones Lighter Than What Your Actual Skin Tone Is. The point being – if you can pass for white, then they won’t call you articulate. Studies have shown that if you are white then you’ll just get regular praise like “oh let me fix your pay rate, looks like you’re making less than you should be.”
Hope these tricks help you to avoid being called articulate in the workplace!
